Red Eyes
by hoppa12345
Summary: Set during 4.06, spoilers for that episode. What if Jane and Lisbon's conversation about Tommy's new job had ended a bit differently?


**RED EYES**

Jane and Lisbon were walking towards the elevator.

"He's in Fairmont for some sort of trade conference," Lisbon was saying, referring to the DUI Chief Green had pulled over and subsequently arrested only a few days prior to her murder. "He stayed on for a vacation."

"Fascinating, but not what you really wanna talk about," Jane said, glancing at her and flashing her one of his signature smiles.

Lisbon gave in immediately and without resistance, her exasperation taking over. "I cannot _believe_ my brother is a bounty hunter."

"There we go," Jane said knowingly.

"All of a sudden he's a tough guy? Who does he think he's fooling?!"

"Not you!"

"You know what bugs me? He didn't even _tell_ me. It's not like we don't talk. I could've told him it was a bad idea. All he had to do was _pick up the phone and call_. But instead, _nothing_!"

Lisbon was getting worked up. Jane took a deep breath, preparing to intervene, but she kept going before he had a chance to interrupt. "I basically _raised_ that punk and his brothers. It's not my fault if he doesn't communicate!" Jane raised his eyebrows and smiled at her slightly, lips pressed tightly together. _One wrong move..._

Lisbon took this as a sign of dissent instead of agreement, and Jane winced as she turned on him. "Oh, you think it _is_ my fault?" she snapped accusingly.

"No, I-I didn't say that - _you_ said that," Jane said, scrambling to make amends. He hadn't see her this angry in a long time.

"Well... _damn you,_ Jane!" she exploded. She pushed past him and marched back down to her office.

"Yikes," the consultant muttered. _She must be having a really bad day._ "Sorry folks... sorry..." he apologised to the staring people occupying the elevator as he quickly made his way after her, sighing.

 _•LJLJLJLJLJLJL•_

He found her curled up in the corner under her desk, head buried between her knees and arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"Really, Lisbon? _That's_ the best you can come up with? Original!" Jane teased, grinning. Trust Teresa Lisbon to have a hidey-hole under her desk. He noticed it was equipped with tissues and a small pillow, and wondered just how often she hid there, and if it was ever because of him.

"Go away, Jane. It's not funny."

"Oh, I think it _is_. Come out, Lisbon, we have a case to solve." Nothing. He changed tactics. "We can talk about it on the way, if you'd like. I'll drive and you can talk till your heart's content." Still nothing. "Come on, you're alright... time's ticking. Tick, tick, tick..."

"Jane, please," she pleaded, voice suddenly sounding small, fragile - completely un-Lisbon-like. "Just leave me alone. Don't make this any more embarrassing than it already is. I just... I just need ten minutes. Ten minutes, okay? And then I'll be fine." Her voice broke slightly. Jane softened and walked over to her office door, closing both it and the shutters so they had complete privacy. Then he walked back around the desk, got down on his hands and knees - "Oomph... not quite as young as I used to be!" - and crawled under to sit beside her.

It was cramped, but half comfortable, and Jane could understand why Lisbon would find this tiny space so enticing. Small, dark, secure - perfect for when one was feeling unsafe, or, as in this particular case, upset.

"What are you doing?" she mumbled after a moment.

"What's this really about, Lisbon?" Jane asked gently. "You're not this upset just because your brother forgot to tell you about his new job. What's going on?"

"Nothing!" she protested weakly.

"Once more, with feeling!"

Lisbon punched him hard, or at least as hard as she could, given that they were cramped in under a desk. " _Ow_! What was that for?!"

"For being a jerk," Lisbon muttered.

Jane sighed, rubbing his shoulder. "Look, if you don't want to talk about it, then fine, don't talk about it. But in my... hmm, shall we say, 'admittedly limited' experience with human beings, talking almost always helps." Lisbon didn't respond to his joke, didn't even acknowledge it, and Jane frowned. This was going to be harder than he'd first thought.

"Fine," Lisbon sighed eventually. "You want the long story or the short story?"

"Whichever you prefer," Jane answered, pleased he'd gotten her to at least entertain the idea of opening up to him.

"Short."

Jane smiled. It was a start. "Okay."

After a moment of heavy silence, she said, "I... I don't like it when people keep things from me. It's isolating." Her voice was quiet, and about as serious as he'd ever heard it.

"Okay." Jane struggled to figure out what to do with that information. He needed more details if he was going to have any chance of helping. "Maybe... tell me the long story."

Lisbon laughed, but it sounded strange - cold, harsh even. Not like Lisbon. Jane wriggled around until he could look at her face - or what he could see of it - and gave her a look of badly concealed concern. "Lisbon?"

"It's all just... about _stories_ to you. It's just a _game_. Have you ever stopped to consider... that maybe for other people, it's _not_? ... a _game_?"

Their shoulders were pressed up against each other's, and Jane could feel Lisbon's start to shake. His first instinct told him to hold her, to try and comfort her - it physically _hurt_ him to see her like this. But, he knew that a good cry could be just the catharsis she needed, so he forced himself to sit patiently, waiting for her to continue speaking.

"I, I'm just, just so _sick_ of trying to look after everyone when, when no-one gives a damn about _me_! I _know_ it's selfish, I _know_ it's wrong, but I, I just feel so... so..." she broke off, and Jane could tell she was embarrassed by the confession.

"So what?" Jane pressed gently. "You can tell me. It's okay."

"So _alone_ ," she sobbed finally, and the admittance caused a fresh flood of tears to cascade down her face. She was crying uncontrollably now, and her breaths came in heaving, hiccupping gasps as she fought, to no avail, to regain her composure.

"Oh, Lisbon," Jane murmured, and finally pulled her into his arms. It was difficult, in that crowded space, but they eventually ended up with Lisbon curled into Jane's chest, her choking sobs soaking his vest and her hands clutching at the fabric of his shirt like he was her lifeline. And he was, in a way. One of his hands was moving gently through her hair, and the other was moving soothingly up and down her back in an attempt to calm her.

"And, and now - _now_ Tommy's been keeping _this_ from me. Of all things! I just want to protect him, can't he, can't he _see_ that? I thought we, I thought we'd gotten closer. That we could _confide_ in each other, about _anything_. I was, I was wrong. _Again_. I just, I just don't understand why he can't just _talk_ to me. Why can't he just talk to me, Jane?" She was damn near wailing. Jane knew that if she didn't want anyone else finding out about this he'd have to calm her down, and quickly.

"I don't know," he murmured. "But it's going to be okay, I promise. Just breathe. Breathe, Teresa. Everything's okay. You're gonna be fine, okay? You're gonna be alright. That's right, just listen to my voice. It's soothing, isn't it, listening to my voice. It makes you feel calm, and relaxed. Calm and relaxed, Teresa, calm... and relaxed. You're doing fine. That's right, deep breaths."

Her sobs finally subsided, but neither of them moved for a long moment. Eventually she pulled back and whispered, not quite meeting his eyes, "I'm sorry."

Jane shook his head affectionately, offering her a small smile. "Don't be silly." Without another word, he crawled out from under the desk. Lisbon sighed and followed him to the couch.

"Sit," he instructed her gently. He turned and walked out of the room with no explanation as to where he was going, as was his style. She felt a flicker of frustration accompanied by an even bigger dose of guilt, and embarrassment. How could she have let her guard down like that? She felt the tears welling up again and furiously swallowed them back.

She was ripped out of her thoughts as Jane returned, tea in hand. Lisbon gave a small smile despite herself. _Of course he would bring tea._

They sat side by side in silence sipping the hot liquid, Lisbon lost in the tangled mess that was currently her own head and Jane watching each successive thought flit across her face carefully. Finally he said, "You don't have to feel guilty, you know. Or embarrassed. Or any one of the multitude of other things you seem to be feeling right now."

Lisbon sighed. She had hoped he would let her escape without having this conversation, but she should have known better - it _was_ Jane, after all.

"I'm fine. Moment of weakness." She smiled at him, but it was forced - she was lying through her teeth and they both knew it.

"You're clearly not," Jane said gently. "For future reference - and I mean absolutely no offense by this - you're a terrible liar. Always have been. Anyway, more to the point, it's not selfish to want to be cared about. It's not wrong, it's not strange, it's not even mildly weird - it's completely normal. It's human." He took a sip of his tea and watched for her reaction.

"Maybe," Lisbon muttered, uncomfortable and unconvinced. She shifted in her seat, looking for that escape, but Jane rested his hand on her knee, anchoring her there in more ways than one. She stared at his hand, tracing the lines on the back of it with her eyes - anything to avoid meeting his gaze, and the concern she would inevitably find there.

"You weren't just talking about Tommy, were you?" he asked softly after a moment. "I do the same thing - keep things from you instead of confiding in you. I'm sorry for that. I'll do my best to change. Okay?"

She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed out through her nose, not trusting herself to speak. "No, don't be stupid," she said finally. "It's okay."

Jane kissed her forehead gently, before pulling back and studying her face again. God, she was beautiful. How could he have hurt her this bad and not realised it? "No, Lisbon, it's not okay. I'll try. That's a promise. Lisbon, I..." he hesitated, and it was this uncertainty, so rare in her consultant, that caused Lisbon to open her eyes and finally look up at him. "I'm so sorry you feel this way," he said quietly. Lisbon searched his eyes as tears pricked her own once more. He seemed sincere. "I'm even more sorry that I didn't pick up on it before now. And I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help. I _will_ try to help, okay?"

Suddenly Lisbon felt guilty again. "No, Jane... don't feel bad, you... you _have_ helped. I... I don't feel that way... _all_ the time... when you're there, or I'm around the team, I feel fine. It's just... it's just when I'm alone, when I've got time to think." She shrugged with put-on nonchalance, averting her eyes once more. "It doesn't matter anyway. Nothing a drink or two won't fix. I'm fine. Really." She tried for a small chuckle, smiling at him, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes and the chuckle died on her lips. She swallowed. "You don't have to worry."

"I'm not worried. I know you're sensible - you're a big girl, you can take care of yourself, all of that. Or at least that's what you'd like everyone to believe." She opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand to silence her. "It's okay, I can respect that... that need to pretend. It's what gets you through the hardest times. Sometimes you might even convince yourself." He shook his head slightly, not once taking his eyes off hers. She needed to see that he was serious, that he understood, that he meant every word of what he was saying. "But... next time you're pouring yourself that drink, pick up the phone instead." His lips quirked upwards briefly. "It's much more entertaining when you're not drinking alone." His face fell serious again. "Promise me, Lisbon."

Lisbon regarded him for a moment, and then murmured, "I promise."

Jane grinned at her with that boyishly delighted grin of his, and brushed her hair back out of her face. "You'll be okay," he told her, moving forward to embrace her tightly.

She smiled into his chest as she closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of him. Warm, comforting - _Jane_. "I know." And it was true, she would be - she had him.

When she pulled back, her mask was firmly back in place, and they set off to go about their work. After all, they had a killer to catch.

And if anyone noticed her slightly puffy eyes, they were much too smart to comment.


End file.
